GO VAIN

This is the comment to Mayowa's on Pens with cojones post about vanity and criticism.
I thought I would do the vain thing to post the comment I wrote, especially since it applies so well on this Wednesday 23rd of June.

You can read his post on www.penswithcojones.com.



Hej, I take the liberty to take up space here though I am not a writer.=) I think it is very interesting to think about criticism, in the world of writers also. I can relate to myself when I used to be a musician who loved standing on stage (oh this wonderful feeling to look out in the theatre) but I can also relate to it since I started doing research and especially after starting my blog. The blog interestingly, gives me piece by piece clues about how I would do the things I had in my head for so long but did not dare to do (when there were no blogs, FB, my space or youtube..). Especially it is nice to think about, when I play music or compose my heart starts beating faster and it is an expression for the moment which I give out, even when recording actually. When writing a book it must be very different. I mean, when music hits my nerves I am content (almost), and if I compose I want to publish it to make it archived to remember. If someone doesn't like it, I would probably argue that this person did not understand.=) If you would, you would say that it is good. =) I know, but to me the way I think about it is more a matter of explaining what did I feel? What did I want to say? Did I manage to put it in tunes, if I did then it can never be wrong =). I realize that there comes the question of evaluating the thought, skills and work behind the creation as well and that it is different when writing a novel. Though when I read vanity, I somewhat agree. It is a driving force which is sort of a prerequisite to want to be heard perhaps. But for me, my driving force has also transformed into justice and anger, and this keeps me going all the way. Vanity does not overcome obstacles, it only creates the foundation. F.ex the more someone criticize me the better they make me, because the more I want to do. And not to be mistaken, this wish of wanting to do more, does not come from the decision of choosing to spend my time proving to some incompetent person that they are wrong, because they are not worth my precious time. It is a driving force which is created at the moment but which raises the question, how much then can I do? At the same time it is a driving force derived from anger, of wanting to achieve something of quality and which no one ever believed was possible from me. This anger is very welcome and is what keeps me on track. Vain I know already that I am, but I think I keep it to a supportable level and somewhat know my limitations, not to mean that I don't try to change my limitations (which is vain). I appreciate these posts which gives me room to express myself. Thank you. =)